Clara is now 2 years old. She celebrated by wearing green on her St.Patty's day birthday and having a cake with immediate family as well as extended family on Saturday of the same week. She couldn't quite get the hang of blowing out birthday candles for the first party but on Saturday she was able to accomplish this task
on her own.
She is getting more and more independent minded every day. Last week we went to buy her a pair of shoes (she has a pair of boots and a pair of church shoes) for spring/summer. As we faced the store entry way she started to sob. She refused to go inside the store. I was even permitted to take the shoes out of the store and show them to her to pick out a favorite. The sales clerk offered to step outside of the
store to get her shoe size or even wait behind a wall out of sight while she tried on shoes, but it was pointless, she kept on crying until we left the store altogether. I picked out a pair of sandels I
thought looked nice. It's been a week now and she refused to try them on. I think we'll be returning them to the store. Not sure how she'll feel about wearing boots in the summer time.
She continues to have one nap a day and sleep about 12 hours at night. We continue to work with the speech therapist (now every week). It feels frustrating at times because she'll often resort to flat out whining and crying if we can't identify what she wants with words. Her hearing was tested, fortunately her hearing is perfectly normal.At her 2 year check up this past weeks the pediatrician seemed concern and offered some more special testing and further evaluation with a specialist but that won't happen for
another 6 months. Clara, however is bright, curious, and clever but the speech part is still significantly delayed. We now can get to say all the vowels with clear intonation so at least these sounds are the building blocks of speech. Jason has worked hard daily with her speech needs.
This has been a tough month for me as some days I get home when she's already in bed, I feel like I'm missing out on the day to day moments. Maybe Jason can add more to this post since he gets to see her more?
Well since Helen has put me on the spot, I'll offer a few of my thoughts. As I write this I'm considering applying to a graduate program that would allow me to get a masters degree in Art Education within a year through the University of Maryland. I'm not in, I still have an interview and need to pass a state test component but I'm torn. The last two years I have been able to stay with Clara, watch her grow and struggle, laugh and cry as a stay at home Dad. I know I'm lucky to be able to do this but sometimes it doesn't feel that way. The voices about money, achievement, status and career growth repeatedly whisper in your mind.
I walked into her room last night while Clara was sleeping straining to make out her image in the blurry darkness and soft glow of her night-light. It struck me that she isn't a baby anymore that you can hold. She can put her pajamas and socks on by herself, rough house, and forward tumble on the floor. I sometimes rewind in my mind those moments when she was infant with all clothing, feeding, and diapering her. As she sleeps I see her as an infant as well. Where has the time gone? Is this a cruel joke nature plays only to allow such a beautiful beings called children into our lives that are dependent on us for their every need grow up so fast? You wish you could package or bottle their youth forever but you can't.
So while Helen has worked I have been at home through the feeding, diapering, consoling, laughing an crying and it's been worth it. So if I choose to go with the program then we need to find outside childcare of Calem and Clara with either family, a nanny, or daycare or all the above. It seems overwhelming to think about. But I have to make a choice, and it's not easy.
